When I was at the grocery store, or a movie, or in a restaurant before I had a child, I was the perfect parent. I'd never let my kid throw a temper tantrum like that in the middle of the bread aisle. I'd never let my child run all over the restaurant (I still would never do this, but that's because someone could snatch him and be out the door in 5 seconds).
Once you actually have to deal with a real, live, toddler, though, all those "I'd never"'s go right out the window. Because you really have no choice. You're dealing with a completely separate human being, with his own likes, dislikes, moods, etc. You have to try to make things work for a little person who doesn't always know why he's upset about something, just that he's upset!
So I'm getting used to the idea of being OK being "that" mom. I see "that" mom now and want to tell her I get it now, and I'm sorry I judged her in the past. I had no idea what she was up against, and we're all "that" mom at some points. And how you deal with your kid acting up is totally your business, nobody else's.
Just like how I deal with mine is my business. I've learned that letting my child just do something after I've told him not to repeatedly only leads to more of doing what I don't want him to do. So if I have to hold him on my lap and let him cry until he's settled down, then if you happen to be in earshot, just know that I'm doing my best to teach my child that he needs to have control of himself, then we'll talk about what he did/didn't do, and he'll stop crying.
I have 22 months of experience with this child, and you have 5 minutes of observation, so quite frankly, Scarlet...
My child now says, "Thank you very much", and "Please" when he wants something, so I'm doing something right with him. And so is his very patient Daddy (who gets all the credit for the "very much"). We're trying to teach our child to be careful, but not scared of things that are new. To ask for help when you need it, but do the things you know how to do yourself, and to keep trying to do those things you've needed help with in the past.
I find it hard to believe that (if you're the one criticizing my parenting) you've raised perfect children by putting them down when they cried and letting them run wild in waiting rooms. Yes, it's cute now at almost 2, but at 4 it will just be annoying, to me and everyone else in the room. So why on earth would I want to make things harder for myself in public later, by taking what seems like the easy way out now?
I am doing my job of teaching my child what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Yes, it's not always a glamorous job, and I have to be the bad guy, the mean mommy, sometimes, but I still get the running hugs, and a kiss goodnight, so I know I'm doing something right.
And anyone who doesn't think so can just kiss my ...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Little Mr. Manners
Sooooooo.....
We are trying to teach (among other things) LittleM to say "Please" and "Thank you". For awhile now I've been having to prompt him, "What do you say?" and he'd say, "Tease!" and rub his chest to do the sign.
But I think he has figured out that if I say no to something, he might have a chance if he says "Please". And for some things I do let him have it (if it's not something dangerous). I'm not sure if that sends the right message, but at least he's thinking of a tactic on his own, so it's some logical reasoning in there.
His first demonstration of logical reasoning was when he was holding two plastic forks at Subway, and Daddy offered him a chip. He leaned forward to get the chip, but Daddy made him give up one of the forks in order to take it with his hand. He then looked at the other fork and offered it up to Daddy in exchange for another chip. Smart kid!
As for "Thank you", he's been saying that almost constantly for the past few days. It sounds a lot like when he says, "There you go", so it's hard to know which response to give. He started saying "There you go" when I'd hand him something because that's what I'd say as I gave it to him. So if he's saying something that sounds like "Thank you", and he doesn't stop when we say, "You're welcome", then it's the other, and the correct response is "There you go."
Today, though, he started saying "Thank you" whenever I'd hand him something, which was really nice. It can be a grind for parents too to have to be reminding them all the time to say it, so it's a nice change when they pick it up and you don't have to be forever going, "What do you say?" or "Did you say thank you?" So I'm hoping if we keep it up at home, it will translate to out in the world as well.
Next on the list will probably be "Yes, Ma'am" (or Sir). But we'll have to get him saying "Yes" first. Right now it's, "N'kay." And that's "N'kay" with me.
We are trying to teach (among other things) LittleM to say "Please" and "Thank you". For awhile now I've been having to prompt him, "What do you say?" and he'd say, "Tease!" and rub his chest to do the sign.
But I think he has figured out that if I say no to something, he might have a chance if he says "Please". And for some things I do let him have it (if it's not something dangerous). I'm not sure if that sends the right message, but at least he's thinking of a tactic on his own, so it's some logical reasoning in there.
His first demonstration of logical reasoning was when he was holding two plastic forks at Subway, and Daddy offered him a chip. He leaned forward to get the chip, but Daddy made him give up one of the forks in order to take it with his hand. He then looked at the other fork and offered it up to Daddy in exchange for another chip. Smart kid!
As for "Thank you", he's been saying that almost constantly for the past few days. It sounds a lot like when he says, "There you go", so it's hard to know which response to give. He started saying "There you go" when I'd hand him something because that's what I'd say as I gave it to him. So if he's saying something that sounds like "Thank you", and he doesn't stop when we say, "You're welcome", then it's the other, and the correct response is "There you go."
Today, though, he started saying "Thank you" whenever I'd hand him something, which was really nice. It can be a grind for parents too to have to be reminding them all the time to say it, so it's a nice change when they pick it up and you don't have to be forever going, "What do you say?" or "Did you say thank you?" So I'm hoping if we keep it up at home, it will translate to out in the world as well.
Next on the list will probably be "Yes, Ma'am" (or Sir). But we'll have to get him saying "Yes" first. Right now it's, "N'kay." And that's "N'kay" with me.
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